Christmas ~ not always a time for family

It's Christmas...that time of year when everyone rushes about asking everyone else what they are doing for the holiday season, or Christmas lunch, or New years eve. People worn out by a long year of work suddenly have a little more lift in their step and hum along to Christmas songs blaring out of every shopping mall speaker.

It is the season of family, roast lunches and long dinners that stretch into the early hours of the morning. It is the time when people don't have to work and instead enjoy (or don't) time with loved ones - with holidays often planned months, sometimes years in advance.

However, for some - Christmas is not the picture perfect family adventure.Some may be sitting in old age home - alone, sad and cherishing bygone times of family being together. Others may be sitting in a childrens home - wishing and dreaming of the day they have a family of their very own to spend Christmas with, missing their own family they may or may not have ever known.

There are those working across the festive season - pilots, hosties, aircraft engineers, doctors, policemen, paramedics, military personnel, nurses, firemen...when one stops to think about it the list of those who will not be sitting at the family table is actually quite long.

So this Christmas, take a little time to think of those who may not be as fortunate as others in their celebrations.. If you are lucky enough to have some spare change, have a couple of chocolates in your car/handbag and randomly give them out, along with a big festive smile -  to policemen, paramedics, homeless people or old neighbors you know are alone...after all, it is the time to be thankful and a time of giving, and you never know - your smile could change someones entire festive season!

Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome

A lot of people you meet will wonder why, when they almost knock you out with excitement at hearing you are married to a pilot, your response is to mumble a barely audible & very unenthusiastic 'yes, fantastic'. The fact is that 99% of people truly do not understand the difficulties that come with trying to maintain a healthy relationship/family life when working in aviation, and explanations fall on deaf ears.

Marriages in aviation seem to be so difficult to maintain that even the community itself has coined a term for them failing - 'Aviation Induced Divorced Syndrome - AIDS'. Marriages are hard enough to maintain under 'normal' circumstances, let alone when you throw something like aviation into the mix. There are an enormous of pilot wife (and pilot, cabin crew) blogs on the internet covering the subject of how one can actually keep a relationship/family going. There are some who have jumped on the 'co-pilot' wagon with relative ease and others saying they would never again choose to go through it.

I think for a large number of the population they can only relate a pilots work and travel to the annual boys weekend, or company function their husband goes on for a week of the year. So they imagine a few days of heavenly relaxation on their own, followed by missing their partner for a couple more days, nearly dying of boredom, panicking their partner may be cheating on them (this doesn't apply to all - the cheating or the panicking) and then their partner being home and life carrying on as normal.

This is pretty different to life when you partner travels for extended period of times (4-12wks away, 2-4 weeks home - or any rotating schedule). In short - these types of relationships can most likely only be understood by the average person as being similar to dating-breaking up-dating-breaking up (repeat for the duration of your life married to a pilot).
When your partner is home you spend the first week getting used to living with someone again and the last week dreading their departure. The in-between is wonderful yet exhausting: trying to balance family time, friend time, and quality time together, whilst also getting anything else done that requires the two of you (or just your husband). In some instances there may be required to be reminders of where house hold items are stored if like in my instance, your partner has only been home once in 10 months. Once they leave, you have the choice to mope around miserably for the duration of their tour (in which case you are likely going to become parts of the AIDS statistics), or pick yourself and be more fiercely independent than most single women....whilst not actually being single. When your partner returns home, repeat the above exercise whilst loving your pilot and not becoming a contributor to the AIDS statistics ;)

Some people dream of fame and fortune - others simply dream of flight...and never achieve it, the pilot wannabes

Most people know that I am married to a pilot, many know that I worked in the aerial geophysics and mapping industry - but few know the history of my love for aviation. So for those who don't know my story I thought I would give a little background...

When I was little I was like most kids - okay maybe not like most girls, because the first subject matter I remember being fascinated with was dinosaurs. They literally blew my little mind away - creatures so enormous, so deadly, and so....well, extinct! They were as mythical to me, as dragons and fairies. I spent what seemed like an eternity in equal measure wishing dinosaurs would once again roam the planet, and being incredibly thankful I would never have to worry about being chased by a velociraptor. As I grew older the dinosaur obsession died and was replaced by the next best thing....sharks, of course (at least they still existed)! This was mostly thanks to the 'Quest' collectible magazines we used to get in South Africa. Nearly every second magazine would contain terrifying imagines of Great Whites with their gargantous jaws splayed open, or a Thresher shark with its elegant tail fin on display.

Then when I was 12 years old everything would change. My father (like any good German) is a die hard Arnold Schwarzenegger fan...and so when the movie 'True Lies' was released to 'VHS' (those are old fashioned DVDs for you young people) - he was first on the movie rental store list to check it out. As it had an age restriction I was not allowed to watch it - but like any child, I used every opportunity to walk past the television set to catch glimpses of the 'not for children' movie. I happened to walk by during the scene of the Harrier jet doing a vertical take-off from the bridge. This trumped dinosaurs AND sharks - it was quite literally 'the coolest thing ever' in my mind. Not only did it solidify my personal love of Arnold,for being able to fly a fighter jet (at 12, OF COURSE, I believed this was real - it's Arnold, come on!), but it would be the start of a somewhat heart-breaking love affair with aviation.

Becoming a pilot is an expensive exercise, and something that was not an option when I finished school - so instead I studied computers (from dinosaurs-sharks-airplanes...to computers - no wonder it never enthralled me). However, 2yrs later South African Airways would post an advertisement in the Sunday Times newspaper for their Pilot Cadet Scheme (PCS), I applied immediately. Out of the blue 8 weeks later I would receive a notification in the post to report to Jet Park for initial screening and aptitude tests for the PCS - I was over the moon, over 6000 applications had been received by SAA. I attended the initial session, and again, weeks later,I would receive a notification to say I had passed and would be required to complete fitness & medical tests. We had now been whittled down to a group of only around 50-60 people. I knew I was strong, fit and healthy, the worst was over and I had now convinced myself that this was it - I was going to 'live the dream'. Weeks later I would be called back for further medical evaluation - and as I sat with the neurologist who was by now taping my closed eyes and running a third EEG, she turned to me and said "I am not allowed to discuss these sessions with possible cadets but I can see how your heart is set on this. Lisa, I cannot pass you - you have what is known as an abnormal EEG, this is a 'fail item' in the PCS due to the possibility of epilepsy." I left the hospital gutted, I would go on to see another neurologist who had worked in the South African Air force, who would run the same tests, and confirm the same findings. 

I would continue to work in the IT industry for another three years before receiving a phone call from a fellow computer programming graduate who loved aviation. He had put me forward for a position in an aerial geophysics company...the rest as they say - is history. I may never get to captain an aircraft - but I did get to spend a great few years working within the aviation industry.

**This post is in honour of my Gramps who turned 93 today! He flew the Halifax on cargo missions for the RAF during World War II - next week he will get to meet my husband for the first time and talk 'flying stuff' (,")

10 comments pilot wives are tired of hearing/being asked

Anyone married to a pilot is used to a barrage of comments and/or questions regarding their partners career choice...here are some of the usual suspects we find ourselves trying to explain to people:

1.  Pilots make so much money: Um, no folks - this is not the case. Whilst there are some really well paying pilot jobs out there, there are also some pretty crummy paying ones....especially for guys just starting out. Do not simply assume because someone is a pilot that they are living in a multi-million dollar mansion, driving a porsche and holidaying at exclusive island resorts. There are plenty of pilots earning less than the likes of private school teachers.
2. Pilots get to live and work in the best locations:  There are some pilots (and their families) that are 'living the dream' in beautiful locations...once again these are in the minority and everyone in the industry is trying to get these jobs. On the other hand, there are plenty of guys based in crappy locations, flying crappy routes to crappy places.
3. Free tickets, FREE tickets, for everyone: Whilst I know some airlines offer a certain amount of 'free, full fare tickets', what is far more common is for them to offer some form of discounted ticket...which goes hand-in-hand with it not being a confirmed seat. This means that you are at risk of getting 'bumped off' a full of flight and having to wait for the next flight - and this happens....often. We know of pilots and/or their families sitting somewhere (expensive) for over 7 days due to over booked flights - not cool, at all.
4. Pilot schedules must mean they work so little and are so organised: Aviation companies send out schedules on a regular basis...it would seem because these schedules are forever changing. Do not expect your partner to be home on a particular day/date just because that was what last weeks schedule said, chances are - it will change. The sooner you can get your friends and family to understand this, the easier your life will be.
5. Airplane food: Whilst us mere mortals that fly economy class drool when we see the business/first class meals, even those get tiring after a while, especially when the menu stays the same for a long period of time. No matter how you package or present airplane food is, after all, airplane food.
6. Family time: This comes into play more so in certain countries, or on certain continents, where many pilots fly contract work i.e work away from home 6-12wks and are back home on leave for 2-4wks. This means pilots and their families get little time together, and for everyone involved - this is tough, really tough. So whilst some pilots may only be doing a few flights a month and bored out their skull the rest of the time, there are plenty who would happily donate a kidney to spend more time at home with loved ones.
7. 'What are you guys doing for Christmas/Easter/your birthday?': Well let me put this simply, remember that time you flew to*_________* on Christmas day? Well that means there was a flight crew working on Christmas day too. Aircraft fly 365 days a year - what are 'normal holidays' to most people stop being holidays to many pilots and their families. It becomes luck of the draw, or based on seniority as to who gets the good days off, so for many of us we can count the amount of Easters/Christmases etc we have had with our pilot partner, on one hand.
8. 'Why doesn't your husband apply to *______* airline/company?':  There is no 'general license' which gives a pilot leeway to fly any aircraft in any country in the world. Pilots are forever doing ratings for a new aircraft, renewals, crew resource management training, medicals, license conversions etc. This can get confusing when trying to explain to friends and family, but pilots are forever studying and learning. Moving onto a new aircraft, or flying in a new country is not as simple as it sounds.
9.  Crew house mansions: Referencing point one here, there are plenty of pilots who live in shared housing when starting out because its the cheapest and easiest thing to do. For pilots that fly contract jobs they most often live in crew houses.....I don't know about other places in the world but in Africa - mansion is not the word that comes to mind when you see where they live, the words that do come to mind are not appropriate to be written here...use your imagination!
10. 'So the pilots and air hosties thing..?': I still can't believe people actually ask this. I have never turned around to someone who has a husband high up the business ladder and said 'So, CEOs and their secretaries huh?'. Yes, pilots and flight crew do sometimes end up dating/married - often due to an understanding of one anothers work and lifestyle. Does this mean pilots and cabin crew are continuously racking up belt notches in the mile-high club...no - it doesn't.  People whose jobs require frequent travel, such as pilots and cabin crew have statistically higher divorce rates than 'home-bound' occupations...we don't need the general public reminding us of this.

Top Gun and aviator sunglasses

Top Gun - a movie that just about every person has seen, and most probably enjoyed. After all - what man wouldn't want to be Tom Cruise - flying a F-14, riding a Kawasaki Ninja, and of course - charming a gorgeous female astrophysicist. On the reverse - what woman would not want to be swept off her feet by aforementioned man?!
Some people however have managed to take this to a whole new level.....for example - I worked with a foreign flight crew in North West Africa. For something like a month, these two pilots would come back from a 7hr sortie and sit down to lunch - and Top Gun. The first three days it was bearable, by day twenty when everything started to have a Top Gun quote to go with it, it became a little much. I now read posts by young pilots throwing out these quotes and cringe every time...I'm sorry - I can't help it. I hope no doctors-to-be are quoting Greys Anatomy quotes to all who will listen.

Top Gun has done nothing to aid in the general publics perception of pilots as arrogant, speed loving, womanizing, aviator-wearing individuals who need a 'good woman' to 'tame' them. Run quick ladies - there are male pilots all over the globe in need of 'saving' - it doesn't matter if they are flying cargo in Alaska, scenic flights in Africa, or commercial trans-Atlantic flights. I'm not sure what is to be done with all the female pilots in aviation - Top Gun didn't cover that.

So it may come as a shock then that I am not sure that I know any pilots who sports Ray Ban aviators (or knock-offs)...I do however know a great deal of non-aviation people wearing them as an 'on trend' item! In fact, currently in Serbia there are so many people wearing aviators I find myself having to bite my tongue from going up to them and asking 'So, are you a pilot?'

I suppose there are worse things that could have become a fashion trend - at least we don't have people walking around wearing firemen helmets...that would have been hell of an uncomfortable, and pretty tough for women to pull off as sexy.


Anyway, I must go and feed our dog - he's called Maverick by the way...

Pilots.....the BROmances and WAGS

Pilots have bromances..not the typical male in his early twenties, chest-bumping, jager-bomb frenzy, 'I crashed my car' bromances (ok - maybe initially) - but more of the no matter what, no matter where, no matter when - 'I have your back' bromances.

You see pilots are a special breed. I have met a lot of people that are dedicated to their jobs, but I have yet to meet an accountant who crunches numbers all day, then rushes home to have a braai with other accountants and afterwards, to unwind, loads up a quick PS3 simulator game of 'Accounting wars' or "Start your own accounting firm". Pilots are what some may call obsessive about their chosen line of work - whether they care to admit it or not.

So it makes sense that along their career path they make friends with other pilots who go through the same training, the same crappy hour building job in some African bush hell-hole, the same struggle to get onto a bigger/heavier/better aircraft etc etc These guys work (live) together, drink together, braai together, frequent awful hole-in-the-wall night clubs in places after weeks of cabin fever together. These experiences bond people differently to the 'we went to university together' friendships. Some of the things that happen, or that one sees in Africa.... it's hard to explain to someone who has never been to the likes of DRC.

As careers progress, the special bromances remain as they move across the African continent and/or the world, get married (or not), have kids (or not). The wives and girlfriends of these pilots come to accept that these bromances exist and that their houses are always open to certain people. That if a particular individual calls needing help - they will get help from you and your family - it doesn't matter if you had prior arrangements or if it suits you or not....there is an unspoken agreement between husband and wife that these bromances are quintessentially family and we do anything for family.

Eventually for many girlfriends and/or wives, this aviation-family attitude rubs off. It is why one will often find pilots wives readily accepting 'new blood' into their circle when a member of the bromance meets 'a new chic'. There is an understanding of their boyfriends/husbands careers, their schedules, their training and the 'pilot lingo'. So when someone new arrives on the scene, who wants to cry on someones shoulder because her partner has gone back on tour, or because he failed his ATPL, or he didn't get the airline job because he falls short by 3hrs on the requirements....there really are not many people to talk to who will understand what on earth you are saying - bar other pilots WAGS. By the way - for some reason - partners of pilots seem to always know about aviation, in detail. Unlike people who for example may have a partner in engineering but has not one clue about what their partner actually does.

Friendships for those with partners in aviation can be tough - people often don't know how to class you...the friend who perpetually appears single at every event yet is not, the one who doesn't fit into the singles party scene but whose partner is never present for couples events. Readily available when their partner is away but who seems to disappear when their partner is home. You quickly become the Odd one out with a capital 'O'. Sometimes we are lucky enough to find special individuals who have nothing to do with aviation, or careers involving such strange set-ups - yet they understand...these people are true blessings but few and far between. It is therefore very necessary to take care of the relationships within the aviation-family - those who you do not need to explain anything to because they are in the same situation.

My husband has two very special bromances - both equally hazardous and incredible. Both now live in far off lands, one with a gorgeous family, the other - no doubt still using his French accent to charm the ladies. One we hear from sporadically (in true pilot fashion), and the other - well - he calls a little more often...and after he's done running up a long distance phone call I sometimes get to speak to his wife...a woman who will always inspire me - for her adventures in life, her mental prowess, her ability to raise a family in pretty much any country in the world without skipping a beat,  the list of reasons is endless really.

Maybe I struck gold - but I'm really grateful for my husbands pilot bromances - they are, in all honesty, family.

Happy Anniversary - Timbuktu to Fiji

So, today (in my husbands time zone) / tomorrow (in my time zone) - is our first wedding anniversary! It's a big one right? It is one of those 'we're still in the honeymoon phase - have a ridiculously romantic night' anniversaries?

Well I guess it's a good thing then that I am not overly romantic - because for us there will be no romantic dinner/picnic/movie night, there'll be no dirty weekend in a lavish hotel, no champagne and strawberries...because pilots - well, they miss everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.  

From weddings and funerals to birthdays and family events - if you live with a pilot the chances are they have attended roughly 10% of these events. Friends and family members eventually stop asking if you will both be attending and revert to 'it would be great if your husband could make it, but we won't count on it' when sending out any invitation.

To be honest I'm surprised my husband was there when we got married. I am pretty certain if there was a legal way to get married without the two people being present before the judge, we would have been married via Skype, or maybe even just a quick Whatsapp text message.

My husband and I were introduced to one another by a mutual friend - you guessed it - another pilot. He has one of the most successful relationships I have seen in aviation (largely due to his power house of a wife who takes everything in her stride - but we won't tell him that), so I should have known his match-making skills would be pretty spot on.  He clearly saw two complete nut cases and figured the only way to save any sane person from having to deal with either of them was to pair them off together...it worked!

After the initial introduction we did not really see much of one another until a few months later - when we would find ourselves working together and our relationship blossoming....in Timbuktu, Mali - not the most romantic place on earth I must add (it's pretty tough to come across as sexy or cute in a 45 degree sand pit).

Its now almost ten years later (it seems neither of us were focused enough to remember exactly when we met), and whilst much has changed - much has remained the same.

So on our first wedding anniversary I find myself sitting in Serbia (Eastern Europe - next to Bulgaria - NOT Siberia in Russia), whilst my husband sits on almost the exact opposite side of the world, in Nadi, Fiji. Since January of this year we have spent a whopping sum total of six weeks together when I went down to Fiji for the 'island experience'.

So this is the life of a pilots wife/husband/partner, amazing adventures and soul-destroying times apart. Along with the roses come the thorns. It is a journey that has seen us through some incredible countries and places that one would never visit on their 'bucket list holiday destination list'. Through it all there have been good times and bad, break ups and make ups, friends passing away and friends creating families. I have met pilots and their partners who have become family, even though our paths may not cross often. It is a life that few truly understand but that many easily pass judgement on. 

Are the hardships and heart ache worth it? Would I do it all again? I can honestly say -  absolutely!

OMG - I'm married to a pilot!!

My husband is a pilot....amazing what those few words manage to conjure up in the general publics imagination:

To women, it's most often the image of a hunky man dressed in uniform, flying a huge metal machine through the air at break neck speeds. Men with enough good looks, money and charisma that they are able to have a girlfriend (and apartment) in every "ooh, I wish I lived there" city in the world.

To men, it's most often the image of sitting in command of a huge chunk of flying metal, doing very little bar biding ones time between coffee services from a string of gorgeous looking air hostesses in  pencil skirts so tight the rest of us women wonder how they are able to walk straight.

Everyone is blogging now days - there are blogs by people who have moved country, blogs by people who have recently become single, blogs by new mothers, blogs on fashion and beauty tips...blogs, blogs, blogs - they are everywhere, covering every subject and with a with an overload of useful hints and tips. So if you are one those people - looking for a blog to give you advice on your new country, new baby, new marriage etc - this is the wrong blog.

To be blatantly honest - this is a blog created partly out of boredom, partly out of my horrific lack of communication to friends and family, and partly to try and educate people so that I can stop having to explain my 'bizarre lifestyle' to new individuals I meet, who assume my husband has the most glamorous, easy, well paid and fun career in the world! This is not a blog to slate aviation but rather to debunk some of the myths regarding the lives of those in the industry. So take your seats and prepare for take-off, it may be an interesting eye opener for many!